Coachella-Bella

Coachella weekend one has been and gone and there was no shortage of beauties strutting their stuff in all kinds of boho – grunge fusion outfits, as has come to be expected of the festival for the arts. Want to hear my opinions on the festi-fashion being served up this year? I’ll tell you even if you don’t, so here goes…

Kylie Jenner 

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Just when you thought the makeup mogul had tried every hue wig on offer King Kylie manages to surprise with her highlighter yellow toned hair with dark roots – this is potentially the only thing in the world that could draw my eyes away from her booty – Damn gurrl, you got some ghetto junk in yo’ trunk! 🤤🤤🤤

Lottie Moss


When your half sister is Kate Moss, the eternal queen of Glastonbury, festival dressing is in your DNA. I love this monochromatic ensemble on the budding model

Jourdann Dunn


For a Coachella virgin, Jourdann Dunn’s pyjama-esque suit has her looking like a seasoned expert in dressing for the event. Love the mustard on her skin tone

Emily Ratajkowski 


 I’ve raved about my love of Em’s style previously, and this is no exception to her usual form. If I had a stomach like that I’d never cover it either. 

Ariel Winter


The all grown up Modern Family star pulls a Kylie Jenner and thoroughly slays her multi-toned pink wig

Shay Mitchell 


Proving all a girl needs is great hair and a killer tan the Pretty Little Liars stunner goes topless and has me thinking that I may be straight – rest assured, the squeel I made upon declaring my love for her high cut bikini bottom confirms that I am indeed a raging faggot.

Ashley Tisdale

The Tis may not have many hits in the box office these days but is thankfully faring much better in the style stakes. I will forever be a fan of the Canadian Tuxedo and that belt is to die for.

Hailed Steinfeld


I honestly can not stand this fugly little bitch troll. Her outfit is trying so hard I doubt there is any fragrance in the world that could drown out her rank odour of desperation.

Martha Hunt


This is effortless cool, Hailee, take notes. I need those shorts more than a slutty bottom needs the D.

Alessandra Ambrosia 

You didn’t even need to see photos of the queen of the Victoria Secret runway’s outfits before knowing she nailed it, this babe absolutely gets it right year after year and so far this time around she is yet to disappoint – I am aching for her Rolling Stone tank dress and need to know howI can get my sassy little hands on one of my own!

Sofia Richie 

Watch out Nici Rich – I think you may just be about to lose your title of ‘most stylish family member’ – and it won’t be to Lionel. Brb I’m racing out to get a Louis Vuitton fanny pack because like, it is everything. And can we please just talk about her signature pose – she is one seriously bitchin’ honey.


Paris Hilton 

As with most things in her life, Princess P approaches the Chell with her usual ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ attitude. While some may argue that the socialite and DJ seems to be stagnant and trapped in the mid 00’s, when her star was shining at its brightest, I think it doesn’t matter, she looks flawless and will forever be flawless. I call This style of dressing high end pseudo-bohemian which is what happens when any sheltered, white woman attends a festival/ event that is a Mecca for artists and creative minds and attempts to blend with the crowd – the result usually looks like they have google image searched ‘festival outfit coachella’ and gotten one of everything – case in point flower crown, animal ears, floral maxi, backpack, sheer black, and butterfly wings.

Paris Hilton at Coachella – a retrospect

Rihanna

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Bad Gal RiRi is a fashion badass. Seriously, she may be the only person in the world that can wear this Gucci Swarovski encrusted body stocking like it’s no big deal. Not really here for the rest of the outfit but I don’t want to risk starting beef with Ri because she is not afraid to clap back and her retorts are so shady they leave the recipient feeling Stevie Wonder blind.


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