I don’t like Ellie Goulding and I have some questions that have been on my mind for a while now…
Why is Ellie Goulding a middle aged woman pretending to be a teenager?
Why is Ellie Goulding the child of Drew Barrymore and Celine Dion?
Why is Ellie Goulding Fifi Box?
Why is Ellie Goulding the least sexy person ever to exist?
Why does Ellie Goulding have a dad bod?
Why does Ellie Goulding always look to be a random photobomber and not part of the gang in group photos?
Why is Ellie Goulding a potato?
Why is Ellie goulding a foot?
Why does Ellie Goulding always look like she is trying to push out a fart quietly?
Why is Ellie Goulding the one person that makes you think Ed Sheersan could do better?
How does Ellie Goulding have a career?
When TV talent show judges choose an Ellie Goulding song for their contestant…
And when the contestant agrees to doing an Ellie Goulding song…
Sassy Queer over and out
(of the closet)