Can we please talk about Ellie Goulding?

I don’t like Ellie Goulding and I have some questions that have been on my mind for a while now…

190214-weirdest3Why is Ellie Goulding a middle aged woman pretending to be a teenager?

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Why is Ellie Goulding the child of Drew Barrymore and  Celine Dion?

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Why is Ellie Goulding Fifi Box?

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Why is Ellie Goulding the least sexy person ever to exist?

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Why does Ellie Goulding have a dad bod?

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Why does Elle Goulding always look to be a random photobombed and not part of the gang in group photos?

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Why is Elle Goulding a potato?

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Why is Elle goulding a foot?

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Why does Ellie Goulding always look like she is trying to push out a fart quietly?

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Why is Ellie Goulding the one person that makes you think Ed Sheersan could do better?

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How does Ellie Goulding have a career?

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When TV talent show judges choose an Ellie Goulding song for there contestant…

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And when the constant agrees to doing an Ellie Goulding song…

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Sassy Queer over and out

(of the closet)

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